Acceptance, Forgiveness & Perfect Outcomes
Enlightening experiences come in surprising ways.
I recently traveled to Charlotte, NC for advanced training in Psych-K®. Psych-K® is a tool I use to coach clients. The technique identifies and changes your self limiting beliefs, allowing you to reach your goals more easily.
Having used Psych-K® with my clients and on myself since 2009 with great success, I was looking forward to learning more. I arrived in Charlotte on a Wednesday evening for a four day workshop slated to begin the next morning. I arose early Thursday, worked out, ate breakfast and headed for the meeting room. But when I got there the room was dark and empty. The front desk staff informed me the meeting had been cancelled the week before. Imagine my shock!
Here I was, 455 miles from home. I had re-arranged my busy client schedule to be there. I had spent money to be there. As I absorbed the desk clerk’s words I began to notice my body was going through a very uncomfortable physical reaction. My mind was racing, my heartbeat was accelerated, I was sweating and shaking, my stomach churned. I went back to my room and called the instructor – I am quite sure the message I left sounded as furious as I felt. Upon hanging up I had a thought:
This situation is a mistake. A simple mistake was made and it was not done to me on purpose. I do not want to be upset for something that is out of my control. What can I do to accept these circumstances and move forward now?
As I said earlier Psych-K® is a tool I use on myself when I am challenged and want to resolve an issue. So I did Psych-K® on myself in my hotel room. A session starts with a goal statement. I wrote this goal statement: “I accept this mistake and I patiently await the perfect outcome.” What followed was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Within a few seconds I went from extremely agitated and uncomfortable to absolute calm.
I have done a lot of personal growth work over the years. However, I have never before been able to release an upset of that magnitude so quickly and so completely. After my session ended I sat in meditation. During my meditation I had the thought to rent a car and go visit my mother rather than book another flight and return home early. My mother lives on the North Carolina coast, 4 hours east of Charlotte. So that is exactly what I did.
My mother and I usually have a good time together. We both love to eat, laugh, and watch movies and as long as we avoid certain topics we get a long quite well. This particular weekend was like many we had shared in the past but it was also very different.
Friday morning over coffee, we talked about past hurts, experiences growing up, and mistakes of parenting. My mother asked me to forgive her for her mistakes and I accepted. Being asked to forgive and accepting…really and truly accepting opened my heart and allowed an intimacy with my mother that I had never imagined was possible. We cried, we laughed, and we learned new things about each other. The intimacy I experienced with my mother was the perfect outcome from the mistake that I had accepted.
A masterful leader forgives and moves forward.
Forgiveness is an individual act which includes accepting what is and releasing what has been. Forgiveness is not dependant on the other person’s participation, it does not mean that you condone something, nor does it obligate you to stay in a relationship which puts you in harm’s way. You might forgive and choose not to be in relationship with that person. Forgiveness must include forgiving yourself because to the extent that you forgive your self is the extent that you can forgive another.
What are you holding onto that needs to be forgiven?
- With whom do you hold resentments? Make a list.
- With whom do you hold regrets? Make a list.
- For each person on your first list write a forgiveness letter*.
- When each letter is complete, burn it or shred it and say these words. “I thank you, I bless you, and I release you.”
- For each person on the second list write a forgiveness letter* to yourself.
You might need to write multiple letters to the same person but you will know when the problem with the relationship is resolved by the way you feel. Then you can make a clear choice if there is anything else that needs to be done. Perhaps you want to meet with the person and forgive or ask for forgiveness, perhaps not. Even if you do not speak your resolution out loud to the other, they will reap the benefits. BUT, the most important person in the equation is you. When you hold on to past hurts you hurt yourself.